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I met her at a picnic and as soon as I saw her drink beer out of a paper cup, I knew it couldn't work. -- a Washington writer Once Upon a Time It used to be a lot easier.

He didn't particularly care whether or not her nail polish was nicked, and she wasn't as concerned with his style of underwear as she was with his religion, nationality and ethnic background. For Ginger Rogers in the 1942 film "Tom, Dick and Harry," it was bells.

And on that damp and dreary March morning, the smell of gasoline and oil at the Capitol Hill Exxon station told the red-haired computer specialist that her romantic days with the Hill aide were numbered. it shows he can't interact on different social levels . "I spotted this striking blond woman from across the room, and I couldn't take my eyes off her," recalls Orfila. So he asked and asked and finally found someone who knew the New York model. "Oh, yes, if she had a loud horrible laugh," said Orfila, demonstrating a loud horrible laugh. "We would constantly fight, and finally one night over dinner, I told her we had better wrap it up because it was going to be a long campaign.

The willowy woman, her face flushed from the cold and the fight they had just had, stared glumly across the Toyota at her rugged-looking boyfriend. Her lower lip started to tremble as the gas station attendant approached. Cracking the window, the legislative aide asked the attendant to fill up the tank. "Not once," she says today, "not once in the nine months we dated did he ever get out of the car at the gas station. "I mean if a man can't even get out of a car at a gas station how does he expect to take an active part of life . "I'd been out with women and all they have to do is laugh, and there was no second date." I would summarily dismiss a man with thin lips. "Basically, at some point you come to the realization that you're in love with someone who is trying to take your job away.

I could never get serious about a woman who didn't agree with me politically." I absolutely despise women who drink beer out of a paper cup -- especially since there is a semi-feminine way to drink beer out of a glass bottle.

Once some friends of mine tried to fix me up with a fairly attractive woman.

And when my 12-year-old brother was in town, he avoided me for a week . Ellen Frank, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh, who has conducted studies of marital pitfalls. I just can't get a good balance." Sometimes the differences are more subtle.

Once we went to the Kennedy Center, and he was afraid to leave his seat all night . "We have found that people tend to pay more attention to these seemingly frivolous, irrational tests, and it probably leads to happier relationships in the end." I'm suspicious of women who have more than one dog and two cats, women who read "The Prophet," women with Modigliani posters hanging on their walls (it's the biggest cliche' of all time), women who play Doobie Brothers records when they take you home, women who talk about their diets when you're trying to eat, women who at dinner parties talk about the insensitivity of their husbands, women who call you sweetheart on the second date, women who have pictures of their fathers on the dresser, women who discuss "General Hospital," and women who keep diaries -- it makes me nervous, even for a writer. It was her look, her walk, her smile -- they were all right." Orfila told Onassis she would have to fend for herself for a few minutes. -- Barbara Howar I always watch the way a man walks into a room . Consider the case of the Carter staff aide who was seriously dating the Kennedy staff aide. I could never fall in love with someone who didn't . It is that flash of truth when he goes to slip the ring on her finger and realizes he can't stand the shape of her hands; when, after five months of a glorious winter wonderland affair, she sees him strut onto the beach wearing a crimson stretch bikini bathing suit; when he meets the person he's sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with -- until . "We had so much to say to each other all night, and I really wanted to go out with her until we got to her car. " However weird, judgmental or idiosyncratic it appears, like laughing or crying, The Litmus Test is an emotional reality that only our romantic brain cells understand. And I think the man should walk into the room first. -- Pamela Harriman Political Bedfellows In Washington, where your political party is your middle name, The Political Litmus Test is critical. A seemingly insignificant gesture, an offhand comment, or a powder-blue and pink plaid jacket becomes a symbolic test that either sets the heart aflutter again or leads to an abrupt ending. "I met this really intriguing woman at a party in Georgetown the other night," said a Washington musician who looks as if he should be herding cattle rather than making the Georgetown rounds. ." "What could I possibly have in common long-term with a woman who drives a Pontiac Grand Prix?Playing a dizzy switchboard operator, she became engaged to three men at one time and ultimately married the one whose kisses set off bells between her ears. There are those magically enlightening moments in every affaire de coeur when the entire relationship is summed up.

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It just can't work because it's your whole life, what you're all about.

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